The Prince’s Favorite Son

25 Words or Less: Brooklyn Slacker breaks up with his girlfriend and suddenly becomes the metaphysical center-of-the-universe. He risks up-ending the universe to get her back.

Background: I got the basic idea in Santa Monica 10 or 11 years ago, and have fiddled with it through many incarnations ever since. I’ve gotten through the second draft of what I hope will be the basic final form. The title comes from a long-forgotten Dog’s Eye View song that I got my first speeding ticket to, and which inspired the story after some incubation.

Story: We start with a cryptic scene where a man perches over the top of the Flatiron Building in Manhattan, while a crowd gather on the street below. As two waspy, old white men in suits (GILES and ANDREWS) step out of a limo beggin him to come down off the ledge, he jumps. Once dead on the ground, we see that he is wearing a suit encrusted with diamonds, which the onlookers quickly rip off. this brings us to:

SAM (25) an unemployed Brooklyn ad-man who’s never actually had a job in the ad industry, goes in for an interview that his girlfriend (SADIE) set up for him. He bombs the interview, due to nervousness, overthinking everything, and having no portfolio to show. That night, when he meets up with Sadie for dinner, the two have a fight over his lack of ambition. She admits that she got a job promotion to do what she really wants (promotions, actually), but that the job is in L.A. She leaves.

Walking through the streets, Giles and Andrews approach Sam in their limo and beckon him in. Drunk, he does so, and they explain that he’s been chosen as the new metaphysical Center of the Universe. This means that whatever he desires will be granted, and that the rest of the entropy of the universe will fall in line behind it. The ride ends at a mysterious mansion estate in the middle of Central Park that no one else knows about.

END OF ACT ONE

SAM initially likes his new powers, and spends his days slacking off, watching television, and playing with the world markets for laughs. Giles and Andrews take turns “advising” him, but it is clear they are just soft-peddling their own interests. When Sam gets it in his head that what he really wants is Sadie back in his life, the universe instead provides him with AYUMI, a comically yet disturbingly subservient concubine. Pissed at this, Sam confronts Giles and Andrews in their quarters, but instead finds the entire “board,” as yet unbeknownst to him, sipping brandy and discussing his activities. Andrews explains to him that the reason that the board had to pick him to act as “center” in their place is the same reason he cannot be with Sadie again – the center needs to be of a singular interest, and love, like the politics of a boardroom, brings in the interests of another into account, throwing the universe off balance.

Meanwhile, Sadie has found her new job to be just as demeaning as her old job, with no real say in the matters she’s working on. Her new boyfriend, DEAN, also treats her as a trophy more than anything, despite her efforts to prove herself to him.

Sam hatches a plan to get a letter to Sadie explaining what’s going on, and uses the powers at his disposal to outrun Giles and Andrews, who are in hot pursuit as he gets the letter into a stranger’s hands in the hopes that he will mail it. When Giles and Andrews finally catch up with him, they take him back to the mansion, toss him into a closet, and tie him to a chair, with only a small t.v. so that he may do his job. After a couple of days, Giles sneaks in on his own to tell Sam of his own tragic brush with love, and leaves Sam with an ambiguous message condoning whatever strategy Sam has for getting Saide back.

Another day or two passes, and Sam starts changing the channel by will. He comes across war, drought, and hopelessly lost cricket games. Then he comes across footage of an outdoor music festival in L.A.

Sadie comes out of the tent at the festival she’s working, and is handed a mysterious letter. After reading it, she looks up at the magnascreen over the stage to see the cameras focused on her tear-strewn face. Sam watches on his t.v. as she nods and mouths, “yes.” She abandons Dean and her boss and races out of the festival.

END OF ACT TWO

Sadie “commandeers” a car from a P.A. and heads towards the airport, while accidents occur in front of her and police helicopters follow her, the universe abhoring her return to Sam. Sam himself follows the events on News-camera footage, helping to keep her out of harm’s way. She enters the airport, where Sam can no longer watch over her, and finagles her way onto a flight to Laguardia.

Sam watches over all such flights on the weather channel, keeping storms or any other interference out of her way. He switches back between this and the other footage he’d seen earlier to bring rain to the drought-stricken areas, bring a little girl down in-between a barrier stand-off to keep factions from firing on each other, and to bring back the losing cricket team, among other things. As Sadie is landing, Andrews bursts in through the door and quickly overpowers Sam, beating him into submission. Giles comes in, and takes on Andrews, giving Sam a chance to escape.

While Sam battles through crowds and everything else the universe can throw in his way, Sadie directs a flustered cab driver on getting her to Times Square. At the end of this simultaneous chase sequence, the universe creates a traffic-jam in Times Square. Eschewing her normally meek and non-confrontational demeanor, Sadie busts out of the cab and runs across the roofs of the cars, as Sam does the same from the uptown end. As they near each other, the traffic jam breaks, and they’re hopping from moving car to moving car. They finally reach each other, embrace, and kiss…

At which point trees spontaneously combust, dogs start flying up into the air, and the combined horns of all the traffic play amazing grace.

(Also, the Naked Cowboy tries to pick up Ayumi, who is now a demanding future dominatrix.)

Problems:

1. Defining the mythology of “The Board” so that they can be more powerful than the protagonist is certain situations, but can over-power him in others. Bonus if this can have something to do with the restrictions of the Mansion.

2. Coming up with more appropriate names for the characters.

3. Making Sadie’s story in L.A. as strong and involving as Sam’s, so as not to delegate her to second-class character. We should care and empathize with her as much as with Sam.

Author: Dawson Smith, Washington, D.C.